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3 Keys to Becoming the Master of your Triggers


Triggers are perhaps the biggest crunch point in relationships with loved ones, causing us to react in ways we might not want to. They activate our trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, faun) which in turn trigger an internal "automatic pain avoidance mode", which has likely been formed in our early childhood years.


For those on the path of self-awareness, triggers can be our biggest challenge. Until they're faced and processed through, we'll repeat the same patterns of behaviour. However, within this process lies the potential for self-mastery.


Mastering Triggers



To master your triggers means that you are able to allow the pain to come forth and be expressed without letting it define you. That means that you remain as a witness to them while letting them play out in a way that doesn't hurt others. Remaining as the witness means you stay conscious of what you're doing and can chose how you respond to it. A part of you always remains beyond the experience.


The topic is a complex one and cannot be solved in one article. I you would like to move beyond your triggers, I would recommend either coming to a 'Relating your Divinity' or 'Trigger Mastery' workshop, or doing the 'Conscious Relating Reset' program with me.


Here are the 3 Keys to starting to master your triggers:


  1. Take responsibility for all your pain and behaviour

Lets get the boring but utterly essential one out of the way first. If you're playing the victim or projecting your pain onto others then there's no way you'll master your triggers. So, the first step is to recognise this; that almost all of the pain which arises when you get triggered is ALREADY within you. It simply gets brought up to the surface by the reflection in the outside. So, ask yourself, what pain is this activating now? It could be an abandonment wound, lack of trust, the need for order and control, the pain of rejection. Then, ask, how am I doing this to myself (for example, how am I abandoning/rejecting myself?) If you inquire deeply you'll surely find the answer, but it does take some profound self-honesty.


  1. Become the witness

Sure, this takes some practice. You will likely have many failed attempts where you keep going back into the automatic unconscious reaction. Keep at it. The key is to recognise there's always a moment between the stimulus and the response.


To cultivate this witness consciousness there is no more affective method than meditation. In this practice you simply observe whatever is arising in you. Keep bringing attention to the breath and notice. What feelings arise? What thoughts arise? How does your body feel?



“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”


 ― Viktor E. Frankl


  1. Step beyond 'seeking pleasure and avoiding pain'

Again, challenging but utterly life changing if you can do this. It is in this dynamic that our whole animal side lies. Stepping beyond doesn't mean to stop doing things that are pleasurable. Rather, it means that your daily orientation is going to be for more than that. Notice, what is motivating you towards each action. Is it a subtle resistance or avoidance of the moment? Learn to delay gratification.


When you're in some kind of pain, be it physical, emotional, mental or spiritual (karma) don't just reach for the nearest chocolate bar or youtube video. Rather, turn into it. Allow it to be fully felt and expressed. Keep your center of consciousness in the witness, but fully let the authentic feeling out through you. This way, we are neither in resistance or identification with our pain. Therefore, you are no longer owned by it.


Conclusion


No doubt, becoming the master of your triggers is not for the faint of heart. It's going to take courage and determination. But, be encouraged! The gifts it gives are priceless. A sense of clarity, of not losing yourself, of empowerment, not to mention the profound healing that your relationships will receive as a result.



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Richard is a spiritual facilitator and psychologist, working to align the field in people, nature and the spirit world. He gives facilitation sessions and group workshops as well as writing stories which illuminate the spiritual journey.

 
 
 

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