The mountaintop and the kitchen sink: The path of the modern householder mystic

How do I marry the side of me that wants to devote my life to spiritual inquiry with the side that has a job and family that I love and support? It's a question that's been asked down the ages. Can one be a householder and still strive for spiritual mastery? In the modern age such a path is becoming increasingly difficult to manage.

It has certainly been the case for me. I call them my 'monk' side and my 'family' side. Both have an equal place in my heart. The problem has been that I've dedicated a good deal of energy to the family side over the years and I have been craving more freedom to dive into my monk side. It had built up a degree of subtle resentment for all the duties and worldly responsibilities it had. Also a feeling of not being able to go 100% into either side, of failing both.

In years gone by, if you wanted to devote yourself to the spiritual path, you would have become a renunciate, seeking an ashram or monastery in which to meditate and learn from a master. This is less and less the path of the modern spiritual seeker. These days we are being called to integrate our spiritual sides with modern living - paying bills, navigating a disconnected modern society, bringing up and supporting families or running our own creative business. That's a tall order, particularly with the myriad of distraction out there. It's pulling us into this or that story or drama, which have little relevance to a deep inquiry into our own life.

How can one find the time and energy for all of it and still transcend through dedicated spiritual practice? It can feel like a pressure cooker sometimes. We may have days of spiritual expansion that leave us ungrounded and drifting away from our worldly duties. Then, we have days fully immersed in the physical—deeply fulfilling on one level, yet leaving a lingering sense of hollowness or density as we forget our spiritual nature.

The call to spiritual dedication is a very real one. How do you experience it and what affect does it have on your relationship with your everyday life?

For me, I started craving a more nomadic lifestyle - one of more free flow, following the pull on a moment to moment basis, connected with synchronistic universal guidance. However, this would mean pulling away from family life to a significant degree. It got to the point where I went through 2-3 days of intense grief over a monastic life not lived in this lifetime.

The curious thing was that after fully going into this grief and accepting that this isn't my current path, the subtle resentment I'd built up disappeared. As did the intense yearning for the nomadic life. It has meant that I feel more able to incorporate the spiritual side of me into everyday life. Another curious side effect is that I'm finding great inspiration in the passionate, caring and dedicated parts of people that one might label as less 'conscious' or 'spiritual'. It seems there was still a slight judgment of being 'greater than' to get over. What a relief!

Since processing that grief, I've discovered that integrating the monk into the householder life doesn’t require massive lifestyle shifts. It happens in the micro-moments. For example, meditating for a short while at many points throughout the day, when time allows. Or making each household chore a meditation in itself. Taking dedicated time to go outside in nature and just follow the synchronistic flow.

For me a big key has been OMAD (One meal a day) fasting. This is something I'm not doing for worldly reasons such as weight control or health. I'm doing it purely because it expands my energy and helps me to transcend the physical, while staying grounded and focused. I feel waves energy washing through me and the mental clarity to inquire and explore more deeply. Plus it allows me to live out one part of the 'monk' side of me that doesn't take me too much away from the family side.

What are your experiences of this dynamic? Do you grieve for a life unlived? Do you find it difficult to marry spiritual and worldly or have you found your keys to doing so? I'd love to hear from you.

Leave a comment below, ask a question or share your story :-)

Warm wishes,

Richard